Why I cant fall in love..
This is a rant about how I look at myself, once again, feel free to not read through and not bother with it.
I consider myself a bit of a romantic.. Do others consider me the same, I don’t really care..perhaps I should be considering that’s the point of all this.. Anyway the introvert I am, is unable to talk to girls Im not acquainted with..man, I wear headphones with no music at times to not have to talk to people. And this my friends,is a huuuuuuuge minus.. Then there is the inability to impress them in Malayalam.. I can unload on them my world views and create an amazing persona for myself but this takes time and actually talking to them..which I don’t do.
Lets say I overcome this and talk to girls I actually feel awesome about, the insecure little bitch in me loves to point out I not worth it..man fuck that guy.. He should burn in hell and have a fat stomach and a huge zit on his nose..
One he’s dead, there is the ever present fear of acceptance that I may or may not get from people I care about.This is important to me.
At this point, I handed the phone to Sathya where he proceeds to type in the following para
A Friend’s advice: There is always an introvert in all of us dude. Its all about how you want to see yourself.. You dont need to kill this guy… Just keep him & yourself comfortable. Its just my point of view…
And now Sathya has handed me back my phone and I love being me. I love my myself and maybe my mom and dad are the only people who love me more than I do. I like the introvert in me.. I hate the insecure little bitch in me he keeps holding me back. He keeps me from following my dreams, taking risks, falling in love and makes me think I’m not worth it even when I possibly clearly am. :) We go on to talk about what sort of introvert I am, about my college life and how last week of December in first year will always be remembered, about my first love. I talk a lot when I am high i guess.
Well anyway, we end up with me being very defensive about the way i am, and that he and Navya were trying to fix me. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything but it came out a bit rude i guess. I like it they tried to help me accept things a move on and out of my own way.
Well this is me. I like not speaking to people I’m not acquainted with. I like the introvert in me. I like the ambitious dreamer in me. I like the romantic in me. I like the philosopher in me. I like how I view the world. I like how i want to treat others.
But, what i need to take from all this is, i love my new friends. They are awesome and I am a self centered git and a very stubborn idiot who thinks he is perfect. :P :D